Goldman's Sack
Welcome to our Homepage on the World Wide Web! Goldman's Sack1 is a financial services company providing modern solutions to modern problems. In a world gone mad with bloated financial services that fail to deliver value to customers, Goldman's Sack offers innovative products that distinguish us from stodgy old firms that rely on cumbersome, poorly maintained, and outdated technology.
While others follow trends, we innovate while following the KISS Principle: Keep It Simple Saver. Our innovative banking services offer customers clarity and confidence. Through iterative innovation over time-tested solutions, we are able to provide greater security and risk management without relying on government bailouts and financial trickery.
In today's world, money is often nothing more than a spreadsheet on a computer. But remember, Cash is King — And this is why we do things differently.
At Goldman's Sack, we physically custody all customer deposits. We do not rely on fractional reserves or other convoluted Ponzi-like systems that have come to dominate the market. We are a pure custody provider. We do not loan out any of your assets or utilize risky derivative strategies. Instead we charge transparent, direct fees for all services. Remember, if it's free you are the product.
We do NOT rely on security through obscurity, and in fact we are so transparent we are ready to detail exactly how our system works. Beware would-be copycats though, we are the originals and true to word. We differentiate ourselves from the rest of the market by providing only the highest levels of customer service coupled with true integrity. Go ask Tony if you don't believe us.
It's as simple as it sounds. We store your hard earned assets in large, physically secure money sacks. Here are some of the key features of our system:
These are just some of the many features of our system. All new clients will receive a personal introduction and overview of the system as part of your new client orientation.
What are the big guys doing with your money? Opening fake accounts to meet sales targets? Wrapping up your funds into complex derivatives that even they can't explain? Goldman's Sack plays it by the book. While we might not yet be "too big to fail", we never want to fail our customers. Here is how we protect our customers:
While it seems many banks will do business with just about anyone, including drug cartels and terrorists, Goldman's Sack takes KYC seriously. Before you can open an account with Goldman's Sack, we will perform a thorough investigation into your background that may include some or all of the following steps:
We go beyond the principle of trust, but verify at Goldman's Sack. We undergo several external audits each year. Furthermore, unlike the big guys who use the same Big Accounting Firm for years at a time, we are subject to multiple audits from a number of different subject matter experts, including surprise audits. Recent audits have been performed by Jimmy from Queens who is well known in the community for being a hardass, but totally on the up & up. Every auditor uses different testing methodologies ensuring full robustness of operations.
We have never failed an audit to date due to our rigorous controls, if we have you definitely would have heard about it from that loud mouth Jimmy The Mouth.
We do not commingle house money and customer money. When we debit your account for service fees, those fees immediately are removed from the sack into our pockets, literally. We put our customers first. Your money is always stored in what are our most secure holdings (always two hands, never over the shoulder). Why do we do this? Should there ever be an attempted robbery, we can easily distract the thief with our pocket money, while putting into action our crisis management plan and secure systems as part of our Dual+™ asset management system.
In all of our years of operations, we have never gambled our customers' funds. We charge reasonable fees that cover our expenses and allow us to provide an honest living for our employees. This is why everyday more and more people are ditching their traditional banks and credit unions for true piece of mind that can only be provided by Goldman's Sack.
We negotiate fees directly with all customers. Fees are based upon AUM and the distribution of your funds. This allows customers to balance their risk profile by choosing the right spread of assets over sacks (AoS). For access to our current fee chart, please chat with your sales representative.
We are proud of our robust Customer Assurance team here at Goldman's Sack. We have one of the best turn around times for RFIs in the industry and we always provide full and truthful answers. We are always willing to hop on a call to clarify any concerns or questions. To help save you time, here are some answers to our most common questions. Please note that this section is still a work in progress and is under construction, more to come!
Most assets can be redeemed within our standard 24 hour SLA. However, we endeavor to provide the best service possible and we usually are able to deliver assets within hours during normal business hours. Please note that due to the use of constant movement for security purposes, you will need to plan accordingly to take physical custody of redeemed assets
We support the following assets in paper and coin form:
On a limited basis, we are able to also custody hard metals including:
We can also make special arrangements for more exotic assets.
To protect customer privacy and limit the ability for attackers to target our customers, we do not maintain any centralized databases. Instead, we use a distributed ledger technology where paper copies of records are shared between bag holders and other personnel. We use a custom form of legal ledger pad, preprinted with our special tracking system.
However, by reaching out to your account manager through our main Signal or Whatsapp numbers we will perform a direct validation with each bag holder who is holding your assets. It is the customer's responsibility to track their bag IDs in their wallet.
Yes, we are currently certified or independently audited against the following:
We do not process any credit card transactions and therefore are NOT PCI certified.
Your funds are safe with Goldman's Sack. We train our bag holders to be suspicious and cautious of anyone and everyone. We are not big on egos. A bag holder wouldn't even know an executive if he punched him in the face. Principles have no knowledge of bag holders identities. By weaving a web of compartmentalization we ensure that there is appropriate segregation of duties and effective controls.
Showing most recent guestbook signers:
Listen, you can trust these guys. They've been holding the bag for me for several year. I recommended them to all of my aunts, even my dad's sister Amy.
Tracy — Staten Island, NY, USA
For years we have been throwing away money on management fees and dealing with slow services over supposedly modern payment rails. Enough is enough! We signed on with Goldman's last year and have never been happier. As a cash based business, why deal with the expense, confusion, and poor service of the big boys.
Mike S., President and CEO — Why is this a required field?
Customer service is incredible with Goldman's. These guys completed our RFI in half the time as the competition and they didn't give us a bunch of fluff. They will go the extra mile to explain whatever you need. The customer isn't always right here, but the customer is King, like Lebron level royalty.
Arnold P — Almara, NJ
Word of mouth referral is important for our business and allows us to keep costs low by deferring the costs of advertising. Please sign out guest book and share with your partners on your bloomberg terminal, IRC, and AIM.
We only use secure mobile communications via Signal or WhatsApp. Clients should contact their account representative directly whenever possible.
For general inquiries, please use Signal or WhatsApp with phone number: